Don’t… open your story with a hero/heroine that pities him/herself.
Readers have to believe in your hero/heroine’s ability to forge ahead, to conquer good over evil, to find their one true love, to win the race, etc. If we don’t believe in them on page one, then there’s no need to turn to page two.
Do… allow your hero/heroine to show a deep sadness or need that must be fulfilled as a baseline for their character arc.
At the same time, reveal their strengths and talents, which tell readers the hero/heroine has the ability to change, to fight back, to grow stronger. To become the hero/heroine they are meant to be.
Good luck, Angels!
Your Editor Devil
Free Class Tonight!
I'm teaching at the Kirkland, WA, libary tonight (7-9pm) the short version of my class "11 Edits You Must Make to Look Like a Pro." Come on down if you're in town and ask me questions in person!
http://www.kcls.org/events/nanowrimo.cfm
Best,
Christine
http://www.kcls.org/events/nanowrimo.cfm
Best,
Christine
Let Dialogue Replace Narrative
Sometimes dialogue replaces the function of narrative in conveying action. This is less often used by authors, but in my opinion, is the playground of mature authors. The best way to explain this is through example. Here’s the “before”:
Cathy, bubbling for her share of fresh-cooked brownies, set her china plate atop the stove.
“Hey, don’t set that there,” said her grandmother. “That’s my wedding gift. And I’ll beat you raw if it shatters.”
If we let the dialogue tell us what’s happening, and keep it sounding natural and ‘in character’, the information is more engaging. This also leaves space to add more interesting narrative afterward. Here’s the “after” version:
Cathy pushed ahead of her brother for her share of fresh-cooked brownies.
“Hey, don’t set that on a hot stove,” said her grandmother. “That’s my good china. My wedding china. And I’ll beat you raw if it shatters.”
We learn from the charming grandmother that the girl is setting something inappropriate on the stove, and not just china, but grandma’s wedding china. The reveal is more impactful when the character is doing the telling because the layers of sentences better build toward her threat to beat the child. Getting yelled at (even as a reader) by the grandmother is more tension building than reading the same information through neutral narrative.
Of course, you should not use this technique constantly, or it will become cliché within your own work.
Good luck, Angels!!
Your Editor Devil
Cathy, bubbling for her share of fresh-cooked brownies, set her china plate atop the stove.
“Hey, don’t set that there,” said her grandmother. “That’s my wedding gift. And I’ll beat you raw if it shatters.”
If we let the dialogue tell us what’s happening, and keep it sounding natural and ‘in character’, the information is more engaging. This also leaves space to add more interesting narrative afterward. Here’s the “after” version:
Cathy pushed ahead of her brother for her share of fresh-cooked brownies.
“Hey, don’t set that on a hot stove,” said her grandmother. “That’s my good china. My wedding china. And I’ll beat you raw if it shatters.”
We learn from the charming grandmother that the girl is setting something inappropriate on the stove, and not just china, but grandma’s wedding china. The reveal is more impactful when the character is doing the telling because the layers of sentences better build toward her threat to beat the child. Getting yelled at (even as a reader) by the grandmother is more tension building than reading the same information through neutral narrative.
Of course, you should not use this technique constantly, or it will become cliché within your own work.
Good luck, Angels!!
Your Editor Devil
Creating Characterization through Dialogue
Here's an excerpt from my Dialogue class, which starts tomorrow (Tues, Nov 30):
Characterization is the painting of a character in a story through narrative, dialogue and action. Done well, the character will come to life on the page as if they are a real person.
Done poorly, and the author has succeeded in creating cardboard. And the reader will never forget it.
As Noah Lukeman puts it in his book, The Plot Thickens, "...character is the basis for all further talk of journey, conflict, suspense—and is the cornerstone of plot..."
Characterization is achieved by the author through the careful delivery of external (descriptions of how the character looks, walks, drinks their coffee) and internal information (how they act in any given situation, who they interact with, the decisions they make, the decisions they don’t make). Note that these do not break down the same as internal and external dialogue.
Nouns and verbs chosen for dialogue directly affect the intensity of tone and the reader's perception of the character. These words can reveal whether the character is dominant or submissive, passionate or dispassionate.
Also, the choppiness of dialogue sentences and whether the character speaks complete sentences may tell the character’s attitude or even education level. Consider how terse dialogue is spoken by a character who is combative, how sensitive phrases might be used by a caretaking character. Doing the reverse can be even more interesting. Consider how jokes from a bank robber make his/her character more interesting.
Remember: In fiction, what they say IS who they are. Even and especially when the character is lying.
Characterization is the painting of a character in a story through narrative, dialogue and action. Done well, the character will come to life on the page as if they are a real person.
Done poorly, and the author has succeeded in creating cardboard. And the reader will never forget it.
As Noah Lukeman puts it in his book, The Plot Thickens, "...character is the basis for all further talk of journey, conflict, suspense—and is the cornerstone of plot..."
Characterization is achieved by the author through the careful delivery of external (descriptions of how the character looks, walks, drinks their coffee) and internal information (how they act in any given situation, who they interact with, the decisions they make, the decisions they don’t make). Note that these do not break down the same as internal and external dialogue.
Nouns and verbs chosen for dialogue directly affect the intensity of tone and the reader's perception of the character. These words can reveal whether the character is dominant or submissive, passionate or dispassionate.
Also, the choppiness of dialogue sentences and whether the character speaks complete sentences may tell the character’s attitude or even education level. Consider how terse dialogue is spoken by a character who is combative, how sensitive phrases might be used by a caretaking character. Doing the reverse can be even more interesting. Consider how jokes from a bank robber make his/her character more interesting.
Remember: In fiction, what they say IS who they are. Even and especially when the character is lying.
Dialogue Do's & Don't's
Before we jet off to Cancun for a little R&R (our first real vacation in 4 years!), here's some dialogue do's and don't's to consider from my upcoming dialogue class (see: http://www.christinefairchild.com/classes.html)
Don’t… use a lot of dialogue tags, such as “he/she said” or “he explained” or “she asked.” They are not as invisible when used en masse. Use them sparingly.
Do… Make it clear who is speaking by attaching dialogue to the character’s action. But don’t overdue this either. Again, moderation and variation of pattern is best to maintain reader interest.
Don’t… Use alternate dialogue tags too much, such as “he muttered” or “she prattled” or “he eviscerated.” The more unique the tag, unfortunately, the more attention it calls to itself. You don’t want to reader stumbling over something that should be invisible. These break the reader out of the story.
Do… Sprinkle a few variations in the manuscript when they are the best and/or the only way to show specific behavior, such as “he whispered” or “she growled” or “he mumbled.” When it naturally matches the action or plot events, then it will blend in better.
Don’t… Attach adverbs to dialogue tags, such as “he said wistfully” or “she asked regretfully.” This is a sure sign to agents and editors that the author is an amateur. Use action to show these emotions instead.
Do… Use verbs and nouns instead, such as “she said, her face blushing.”
Go forth and conquer, Angels.
Regards, Your Editor Devil
Don’t… use a lot of dialogue tags, such as “he/she said” or “he explained” or “she asked.” They are not as invisible when used en masse. Use them sparingly.
Do… Make it clear who is speaking by attaching dialogue to the character’s action. But don’t overdue this either. Again, moderation and variation of pattern is best to maintain reader interest.
Don’t… Use alternate dialogue tags too much, such as “he muttered” or “she prattled” or “he eviscerated.” The more unique the tag, unfortunately, the more attention it calls to itself. You don’t want to reader stumbling over something that should be invisible. These break the reader out of the story.
Do… Sprinkle a few variations in the manuscript when they are the best and/or the only way to show specific behavior, such as “he whispered” or “she growled” or “he mumbled.” When it naturally matches the action or plot events, then it will blend in better.
Don’t… Attach adverbs to dialogue tags, such as “he said wistfully” or “she asked regretfully.” This is a sure sign to agents and editors that the author is an amateur. Use action to show these emotions instead.
Do… Use verbs and nouns instead, such as “she said, her face blushing.”
Go forth and conquer, Angels.
Regards, Your Editor Devil
Sprinkle, Don’t Douse with Punctuation
Punctuate Appropriately
Let’s start with the simplest markers for drama: exclamation points. Rarely are exclamation points needed, and rarely should they be used.
Like TNT, they are alarming, even to the point they can jolt the reader out of the story. Some editors and authors say use them only once per chapter or a handful of times for the whole book. And some say, “Never!” (Don’t worry, I’m not one of those.)
The exclamation point neither makes a character louder or angrier. That’s the job of language, both in the narrative (She yelled till her voice cracked.) and dialogue (“You lousy SOB, of course I found out you were cheating on me.”)
That’s the difference between showing (words) and telling (punctuation). Punctuation doesn’t convey how the action was committed, so don’t lean on exclamation points to do the word for you.
Set Limits
Limit your em-dashes (—), which interrupt narrative sentences for a non-linear thoughts or, in dialogue, for actual interruptions to speech. Too many interruptions and you risk overextending the reader’s patience.
Likewise, the fair-weather parenthesis () and brackets [] can halt pacing. (I’m a sucker for both of these and an editor, so forgive me. You know to do as I say, not as I do, right?) The ellipses (...) is like hearing characters sigh all the time (please don’t do that either). Authors use them when characters don’t want to finish a thought, or don’t need to because the reader can fill in the blank. They’re also used to express character doubt, secrets, or lack of trust. But used too often and the ellipses becomes cliché.
Genre of course affects how often you use these. Suspense, Thriller, Mystery, and even Comedy often use this device. But moderation is key to using any punctuation in any genre. But again, your word choice, narrative and dialogue are responsible for creating these effects. Otherwise, agents and editors will consider your work lazy.
Good luck, angels!
Your humble Editor Devil
Let’s start with the simplest markers for drama: exclamation points. Rarely are exclamation points needed, and rarely should they be used.
Like TNT, they are alarming, even to the point they can jolt the reader out of the story. Some editors and authors say use them only once per chapter or a handful of times for the whole book. And some say, “Never!” (Don’t worry, I’m not one of those.)
The exclamation point neither makes a character louder or angrier. That’s the job of language, both in the narrative (She yelled till her voice cracked.) and dialogue (“You lousy SOB, of course I found out you were cheating on me.”)
That’s the difference between showing (words) and telling (punctuation). Punctuation doesn’t convey how the action was committed, so don’t lean on exclamation points to do the word for you.
Set Limits
Limit your em-dashes (—), which interrupt narrative sentences for a non-linear thoughts or, in dialogue, for actual interruptions to speech. Too many interruptions and you risk overextending the reader’s patience.
Likewise, the fair-weather parenthesis () and brackets [] can halt pacing. (I’m a sucker for both of these and an editor, so forgive me. You know to do as I say, not as I do, right?) The ellipses (...) is like hearing characters sigh all the time (please don’t do that either). Authors use them when characters don’t want to finish a thought, or don’t need to because the reader can fill in the blank. They’re also used to express character doubt, secrets, or lack of trust. But used too often and the ellipses becomes cliché.
Genre of course affects how often you use these. Suspense, Thriller, Mystery, and even Comedy often use this device. But moderation is key to using any punctuation in any genre. But again, your word choice, narrative and dialogue are responsible for creating these effects. Otherwise, agents and editors will consider your work lazy.
Good luck, angels!
Your humble Editor Devil
10 Traits of Successful Writers
Here is a list from a past class I taught years ago to aspiring technical writers and editors. But I've recently used it for fiction authors, because I think it applies to all writing professionals/artists. Hope this helps someone out there who needs to believe in themselves again!
Top 10 Qualities of Successful Writers:
10) Value Themselves Appropriately
• At home
• In the market
9) Have Heroic Personalities
• Graceful under fire
• Sense of purpose in life
• Deep loyalty to others & self
• Centered confidence
8) Are Always Building & Adapting
• Network
• Resources
• Skills
• Goals
7) Play the Game Strategically
• Simplify tasks
• Regular writing formulas
• Financially savvy
6) Have Immense Stamina
• Mental more than physical
• Associate with high-stamina people
5) Are Can-Do People
• Find solutions
• Find others with solutions
4) Are Not Afraid to Be Uncomfortable
• Change doesn’t intimidate them
• Know when to ask for help
• Can venture into unknown territory
3) Know Their Talents
• Area of expertise
• Editing areas & strengths
• Writing areas & strengths
2) Know Their Limits
• Money
• Time
• Energy
• Resources
1) Have an Indomitable Spirit
• Outlast and outpace
• Work despite fears
• Never give in to “no”
Cheers!
Your Ever-faithful Editor Devil
Top 10 Qualities of Successful Writers:
10) Value Themselves Appropriately
• At home
• In the market
9) Have Heroic Personalities
• Graceful under fire
• Sense of purpose in life
• Deep loyalty to others & self
• Centered confidence
8) Are Always Building & Adapting
• Network
• Resources
• Skills
• Goals
7) Play the Game Strategically
• Simplify tasks
• Regular writing formulas
• Financially savvy
6) Have Immense Stamina
• Mental more than physical
• Associate with high-stamina people
5) Are Can-Do People
• Find solutions
• Find others with solutions
4) Are Not Afraid to Be Uncomfortable
• Change doesn’t intimidate them
• Know when to ask for help
• Can venture into unknown territory
3) Know Their Talents
• Area of expertise
• Editing areas & strengths
• Writing areas & strengths
2) Know Their Limits
• Money
• Time
• Energy
• Resources
1) Have an Indomitable Spirit
• Outlast and outpace
• Work despite fears
• Never give in to “no”
Cheers!
Your Ever-faithful Editor Devil
Back by Popular Demand...
Dialogue is my favorite subject. So I'm happy to announce that I'm bringing back my dialogue class for those who've been asking for another opportunity to take it.
And to make it more fun, here's a SPECIAL OFFER (I LOVE giveaways!!): Everyone who registers for the class before Nov 15 will receive a bonus lesson on character development and be entered into a drawing to win Donald Maass' book, "The Fire In Fiction."
Be warned! This class will challenge your socks off. Nobody gets by with plain, everyday dialogue in my class, so be ready to bend your brain and get creative. Here's the scoop (more info and registration at http://www.christinefairchild.com/classes.html):
Make your words pop on the page! Dialogue is one of the most important elements, of any work of fiction. It’s equal to action, because, when written well, DIALOGUE IS ACTION. So if you want readers to salivate for your character’s every word, then you must know how to:
• Make your characters radiate and your story move through speech.
• Build tension on every page using dialogue.
• Throw curve balls in conversations.
• Reveal characters' hopes/needs/fears through what they do/don’t say.
You'll learn to create interesting, compelling dialogue to reveal your characters internal and external journeys. We'll examine internal vs. external communications and primary vs. secondary character dialogue maps. Students may share a scene from their work for feedback from the instructor and/or the class.
And to make it more fun, here's a SPECIAL OFFER (I LOVE giveaways!!): Everyone who registers for the class before Nov 15 will receive a bonus lesson on character development and be entered into a drawing to win Donald Maass' book, "The Fire In Fiction."
Be warned! This class will challenge your socks off. Nobody gets by with plain, everyday dialogue in my class, so be ready to bend your brain and get creative. Here's the scoop (more info and registration at http://www.christinefairchild.com/classes.html):
Make your words pop on the page! Dialogue is one of the most important elements, of any work of fiction. It’s equal to action, because, when written well, DIALOGUE IS ACTION. So if you want readers to salivate for your character’s every word, then you must know how to:
• Make your characters radiate and your story move through speech.
• Build tension on every page using dialogue.
• Throw curve balls in conversations.
• Reveal characters' hopes/needs/fears through what they do/don’t say.
You'll learn to create interesting, compelling dialogue to reveal your characters internal and external journeys. We'll examine internal vs. external communications and primary vs. secondary character dialogue maps. Students may share a scene from their work for feedback from the instructor and/or the class.
Changing POV Like You Change Underwear
Hopefully most writers change their underwear more often than they change POV in their story. A recent inquiry asked whether changing from 1st person POV (the dreaded "I" voice in the publishing world--lots of agents/editors don't like it) to 3rd person POV (the "he/she walked and talked" voice that everyone loves) was acceptable.
Can't say that I recommend it, because it TENDS to jar the reader out of the story, but there's no rule saying you can't do it. Like all writing do's and dont's in the publishing arena, you have to choose which ones work for you, which ones don't. I wouldn't even call them rules, but hints as to tactics a lot of writers tried to pull off but didn't, so agents and editors came to discuss the tactics as no-no's.
To be fair, I recently read a book called "Infamous" by Suzanne Brockmann that changed POV from the start from 3rd to 1st and back again. The 1st person POV was a ghost, the great-grandfather and assumed outlaw of the hero. So the story was basically told from his point of view overall. Though jarring at first, I got used to it (though it's still not my preference). In the end, the quality of the story helped me overlook the POV and other writing issues (more editing, please, for less dragging scenes).
If your story is absolutely made BETTER by switching POV's then by all means go for it. The point is to be thoughtful of why others have not pulled this trick off, why they've made a bad name for it--then avoid their mistakes.
Good luck, Angels.
Your Editor Devil
Can't say that I recommend it, because it TENDS to jar the reader out of the story, but there's no rule saying you can't do it. Like all writing do's and dont's in the publishing arena, you have to choose which ones work for you, which ones don't. I wouldn't even call them rules, but hints as to tactics a lot of writers tried to pull off but didn't, so agents and editors came to discuss the tactics as no-no's.
To be fair, I recently read a book called "Infamous" by Suzanne Brockmann that changed POV from the start from 3rd to 1st and back again. The 1st person POV was a ghost, the great-grandfather and assumed outlaw of the hero. So the story was basically told from his point of view overall. Though jarring at first, I got used to it (though it's still not my preference). In the end, the quality of the story helped me overlook the POV and other writing issues (more editing, please, for less dragging scenes).
If your story is absolutely made BETTER by switching POV's then by all means go for it. The point is to be thoughtful of why others have not pulled this trick off, why they've made a bad name for it--then avoid their mistakes.
Good luck, Angels.
Your Editor Devil
Back from cross-country trip....
For those who have not taken my 11 Edits class and have a manuscript (whole or partial) ready to edit... I'm teaching it again, this time for the Carolina RWA group. Here's the information:
*** Permission to Forward Granted and Encouraged ***
11 Edits You Must Make to Look Like a Pro
Instructor: Christine M. Fairchild
When: November 1st- 15th, 2010
Cost: $10 for HCRW and Carolina Romance Writers members/ $15 for non-members
Deadline for Registration: October 31st
To register: http://www.heartofcarolina.org/onlineclasses/classreg.html
This editing class includes tips and tricks you won’t find in books or other classes. We'll look at common line edits differently, and we'll discuss conceptual edits, such as character arcs, that will help your book be the great read it's meant to be.
The goal of the course is to give you some editing advantages that you would get if you hired a skilled editor to improve your manuscript. This is not a copyediting class, but what we call developmental-editing. Editing emphasis will be placed on 1) tight scene structure and 2) no unnecessary words.
The edits you’ll learn will help you:
* Strengthen character development.
* Tighten and intensify dialogue.
* Polish character introductions.
* Improve pacing, voice, and style.
* Create greater emotional response from readers.
This is a self-paced class. Whether you apply the edits to an existing MS during the course or not is up to you.
Bio: Christine M. Fairchild has over 20 years of experience as a writer and editor. Though trained as a journalist, she spent the last two decades working for publications (XFiles, SciFiMall.com), technical giants (Microsoft, AT&T), and consumer product companies (DHL, Hitachi). She now helps fiction writers improve their use of language, timing, and perspective to deepen their work. Christine has written 2 historical fiction women’s fiction manuscripts as well as a Romantic Suspense. As a writer, editor and ghostwriter, her experience ranges from novels to screenplays to non-fiction, from science fiction to romance to memoir.
To register: http://www.heartofcarolina.org/onlineclasses/classreg.html
*** Permission to Forward Granted and Encouraged ***
11 Edits You Must Make to Look Like a Pro
Instructor: Christine M. Fairchild
When: November 1st- 15th, 2010
Cost: $10 for HCRW and Carolina Romance Writers members/ $15 for non-members
Deadline for Registration: October 31st
To register: http://www.heartofcarolina.org/onlineclasses/classreg.html
This editing class includes tips and tricks you won’t find in books or other classes. We'll look at common line edits differently, and we'll discuss conceptual edits, such as character arcs, that will help your book be the great read it's meant to be.
The goal of the course is to give you some editing advantages that you would get if you hired a skilled editor to improve your manuscript. This is not a copyediting class, but what we call developmental-editing. Editing emphasis will be placed on 1) tight scene structure and 2) no unnecessary words.
The edits you’ll learn will help you:
* Strengthen character development.
* Tighten and intensify dialogue.
* Polish character introductions.
* Improve pacing, voice, and style.
* Create greater emotional response from readers.
This is a self-paced class. Whether you apply the edits to an existing MS during the course or not is up to you.
Bio: Christine M. Fairchild has over 20 years of experience as a writer and editor. Though trained as a journalist, she spent the last two decades working for publications (XFiles, SciFiMall.com), technical giants (Microsoft, AT&T), and consumer product companies (DHL, Hitachi). She now helps fiction writers improve their use of language, timing, and perspective to deepen their work. Christine has written 2 historical fiction women’s fiction manuscripts as well as a Romantic Suspense. As a writer, editor and ghostwriter, her experience ranges from novels to screenplays to non-fiction, from science fiction to romance to memoir.
To register: http://www.heartofcarolina.org/onlineclasses/classreg.html
5 Tips for Improving Goal & Motivation
Here are 5 tips for handling goals and motivations in your story (this is excerpted from my Sensational Scenes class that starts tomorrow, Wed 9/22):
1. Choose goals/motivations that are human. The more emotionally based they are, the more compelling. In the advertising/marketing world there are only so many core human needs to appeal to: Love, hope, power (sex, money, status), and youth/beauty. Mercedes sells power, while VW sells youth.
2. Be sure your goal/motivation is crystal clear. You don’t need to restate it in every scene, but it should be clear to the reader that we are either progressing toward or regressing from goals at hand. Motivations likewise may ebb and flow according to urgency of the current situation, but should always be present and accounted for.
EXAMPLE: The character is locked in a mortuary with no cell, but needs to get to her wedding that you’ve been setting up for four chapters. We understand the goal, so doesn’t need to be stated that she needs a key, or a sledgehammer.
3. Make your conflict/tension count. The argument your characters just had should either move them forward in their relationship, or set them back – both must occur in ways that are appropriate to where the scene plays in the story overall (NOTE: Act I vs. Act III arguments should be different). Don’t throw a gun in the scene just for titillation.
4. Vary the conflict/tension at the core of your goals/motivations. If your married couple is fighting about sex in every scene, the reader is going to tell them to call their divorce attorneys and set the book down. If we are running from the bad guys every second, we’re going to get a headache and wish we’d been shot already.
5. Vary your motivations. Internal (I need love) or external (I need a gun). Dysfunctional (I need love with a gun) and healthy (I’ll take the love, leave the gun). Personal (I need a job to make money for my operation) or vicarious (I need to make money to send that foster kid to school). Passionate (I’ve got to have that man in MY bed) or dispassionate (I’ll take out the garbage to please my wife, just to keep her out of MY bed).
When goals and motivations ring loud and clear for the reader, and ring TRUE to them on a human level, readers will connect to your characters and story more intimately.
Good luck and get motivated reaching your goals!
1. Choose goals/motivations that are human. The more emotionally based they are, the more compelling. In the advertising/marketing world there are only so many core human needs to appeal to: Love, hope, power (sex, money, status), and youth/beauty. Mercedes sells power, while VW sells youth.
2. Be sure your goal/motivation is crystal clear. You don’t need to restate it in every scene, but it should be clear to the reader that we are either progressing toward or regressing from goals at hand. Motivations likewise may ebb and flow according to urgency of the current situation, but should always be present and accounted for.
EXAMPLE: The character is locked in a mortuary with no cell, but needs to get to her wedding that you’ve been setting up for four chapters. We understand the goal, so doesn’t need to be stated that she needs a key, or a sledgehammer.
3. Make your conflict/tension count. The argument your characters just had should either move them forward in their relationship, or set them back – both must occur in ways that are appropriate to where the scene plays in the story overall (NOTE: Act I vs. Act III arguments should be different). Don’t throw a gun in the scene just for titillation.
4. Vary the conflict/tension at the core of your goals/motivations. If your married couple is fighting about sex in every scene, the reader is going to tell them to call their divorce attorneys and set the book down. If we are running from the bad guys every second, we’re going to get a headache and wish we’d been shot already.
5. Vary your motivations. Internal (I need love) or external (I need a gun). Dysfunctional (I need love with a gun) and healthy (I’ll take the love, leave the gun). Personal (I need a job to make money for my operation) or vicarious (I need to make money to send that foster kid to school). Passionate (I’ve got to have that man in MY bed) or dispassionate (I’ll take out the garbage to please my wife, just to keep her out of MY bed).
When goals and motivations ring loud and clear for the reader, and ring TRUE to them on a human level, readers will connect to your characters and story more intimately.
Good luck and get motivated reaching your goals!
Turn Tone on Its Head
Turning tone on its head can prove effective in creating more engaging stories, but difficult to achieve. One area to try this is character voice.
Consider the naïve narrator in Platoon. He's young, un-tested, unhardened in the opening. His soft voice sets up the audience to be wary, because we immediately see the juxtaposition of his tone/experience against the violent situation of the Viet Nam war. So we know he’s about to have a wake-up call.
Later he talks like a philosopher, lilting like a melancholy diary passage, as the screen shows men being gunned down. He's graduated to a spiritual voice, but viewers are still experiencing violence. This tells us he's numb.
Or consider Hannibal Lector, who was at times is romantic and whimsical about his descriptions of eating humans. Turning his POV tone on it's head and juxtapositioning it with context made him that much creepier.
So go play with your characters and see how you can turn their tone on its head and surprise your reader.
Consider the naïve narrator in Platoon. He's young, un-tested, unhardened in the opening. His soft voice sets up the audience to be wary, because we immediately see the juxtaposition of his tone/experience against the violent situation of the Viet Nam war. So we know he’s about to have a wake-up call.
Later he talks like a philosopher, lilting like a melancholy diary passage, as the screen shows men being gunned down. He's graduated to a spiritual voice, but viewers are still experiencing violence. This tells us he's numb.
Or consider Hannibal Lector, who was at times is romantic and whimsical about his descriptions of eating humans. Turning his POV tone on it's head and juxtapositioning it with context made him that much creepier.
So go play with your characters and see how you can turn their tone on its head and surprise your reader.
Spruce Up Dialogue with Subtext
Masters of dialogue compel the reader to keep reading, pulling the truth just out of their reach, like a carrot on a stick. Then surprise the reader: the carrot turns into a pickle. In other words, engaging dialogue that leaves us questioning creates expectations. And that creates suspense.
When characters always speak their mind exactly, whether through internal or external dialogue, that’s called “on the nose” dialogue. And it’s dull. Predictable even. Not suspenseful.
As Robert McKee says in his screenwriting book, Story, “The text cannot be about what the text is about.”
Subtext is the path of most resistance. This is dialogue that refuses to spill the beans, keeps your reader guessing as to what’s actually being said, keeps them engaged. When done well, it’s secretive, but sexy.
When characters are not saying what they really mean, but their words allude to something altogether different, that’s subtext. Like saying “Lovely day” to your boss, who terrifies you, when what you really mean is “Please don’t fire me.” Subtext is the meaning behind the message. The code that your reader has to break to feel not just engaged, but included in the story.
Two characters may not ever say they are in love with each other. That would be too direct, too everyday. Too dull. And cliché, frankly. It’s been said over and over and over… Instead, they may converse in code. Examples:
1) In the Princess Bride, the farm boy, Westley, says to Princess Buttercup “As you wish” to say "I love you." This the code that he later speaks to reveal his identity, for she’d thought he’d been killed years earlier.
2) Likewise, Lauren Bacall’s character, Marie, in To Have and Have Not, tells Humphrey Bogart’s character, Harry, “You know how to whistle, don’t you? Just put your two lips together and blow.”
Can you guess what she’s talking about? This, of course, was in a heavily-censored movie era, when the explicit discussion of sex was not allowed. And why change that? Talking explicitly about sex is almost always less interesting to a reader (excepting erotica, of course).
Subtext is about carefully crafted subtlety, and that’s just sexy.
When characters always speak their mind exactly, whether through internal or external dialogue, that’s called “on the nose” dialogue. And it’s dull. Predictable even. Not suspenseful.
As Robert McKee says in his screenwriting book, Story, “The text cannot be about what the text is about.”
Subtext is the path of most resistance. This is dialogue that refuses to spill the beans, keeps your reader guessing as to what’s actually being said, keeps them engaged. When done well, it’s secretive, but sexy.
When characters are not saying what they really mean, but their words allude to something altogether different, that’s subtext. Like saying “Lovely day” to your boss, who terrifies you, when what you really mean is “Please don’t fire me.” Subtext is the meaning behind the message. The code that your reader has to break to feel not just engaged, but included in the story.
Two characters may not ever say they are in love with each other. That would be too direct, too everyday. Too dull. And cliché, frankly. It’s been said over and over and over… Instead, they may converse in code. Examples:
1) In the Princess Bride, the farm boy, Westley, says to Princess Buttercup “As you wish” to say "I love you." This the code that he later speaks to reveal his identity, for she’d thought he’d been killed years earlier.
2) Likewise, Lauren Bacall’s character, Marie, in To Have and Have Not, tells Humphrey Bogart’s character, Harry, “You know how to whistle, don’t you? Just put your two lips together and blow.”
Can you guess what she’s talking about? This, of course, was in a heavily-censored movie era, when the explicit discussion of sex was not allowed. And why change that? Talking explicitly about sex is almost always less interesting to a reader (excepting erotica, of course).
Subtext is about carefully crafted subtlety, and that’s just sexy.
Dialogue Sample for a First Meeting of Characters
This scene comes from one my students in my current dialogue class... my comments at end of post...
***
"Is this seat free?" his clipped British accent caught her attention. He motioned to the seat directly across from her.
"I'm sure it's not free. It's not mine, but it could probably be had for the price of fries," Georgia muttered.
This was really not what she had envisioned when she hid in the McDonalds. She hardly felt or looked her best. Bad boy laughed, and sat across from her.
"Your McDonald's chips are my weakness. Married?" he asked her.
It did not seem like the type to care. Georgia looked over to him thinking this was probably the oddest pickup she had ever had. Maybe she had gotten lucky and this one truly did not know who her family was and was actually interested in her. It would be a first.
"Not this week," she told him hesitantly. She still was unsure of his angle.
"American citizen?"
"Why and who wants to know?"
"Listen love I'm in a bit of a pickle. Seems like I gotten me a green card problem and I need to find me an American wife". He picked up her hand and looked deeply into her eyes.
"Sorry, I'm Chinese." So much for someone being interested in her as person.
"Oh I get it that’s your cheeky American sense of humor. Don’t you know who I am?" He seemed incredulous.
"Sorry, I have no idea who you are." She pressed her lips together and shook her head.
"I can offer you money. Lots of money, more money than you could ever use, love."
Wow, that probably would have worked on most. Poor Bad Boy had found the one person in the world that could have laughed at that.
"You just have to sign a pre-nuptial and stay married for 5 years. In that time I will give you two million up front and five hundred thousand for every year we stay married. For an additional five years after that, a further hundred thousand a year." Bad Boy had the naiveté to look smug.
"Very generous," Georgia said. She could wipe her nose with that much money and still not even dent what she was worth. "So who are you?"
"Miles Apocalypse. Of the Apocalypse Traders."
"How unfortunate. That can't be your real name."
"You have really never heard of the Apocalypse Traders?"
"I could Google you if it made you feel any better." Her father had always loved that saying considering he owned a large chunk of Google. "Is Miles at least your real first name?" Oddly she really did want to know.
He smiled. "Kozlowski, Miles Kozlowski." He extended his hand toward her.
"You thought Apocalypse was better last name than Kozlowski?"
She stood, hiding behind a big window sticker of Ronald McDonald she covertly watched the angry lawyers argue in front of her car. Miles came up behind her. He molded his muscled body against her back.
"I'm not sure if you realized this, but I am already standing in this spot." She threw him an icy smile over her shoulder.
***
The female character is very funny, a smart ass, very strong. Good dialogue here for her. You're clearly in her head. Some tweaks here and there would bring her words up a notch.
Mostly the tension between the two should rise. You've got to have chemistry on the first meeting of two romantic characters. And not "he smiled into her beautiful eyes" kind of chemistry. Here you have the makings of verbal jousting. That would arouse our interest in seeing them pair up.
Him, not as much. The accent/brit talk is fine, but the timing and lead up to his proposal seems sudden. You need to get in his shoes a little more, let him seduce us as he ramps up to the offer. Several of his lines are "throwaway" lines. They could be substituted with anything else and still not be unique. And even once his intention is made clear, he comes on way too fast with the information dump (the how and how much paragraph). Let tension build. So we are salivating to know what he's really after.
Also, you need to edit the narrative more. Besides the copyediting issues, I want you to look at lines that "tell" not show. And sometimes you point out what is obvious. This is common not just in early writers, but in early drafts, so don't feel bad about any of it. Writing is all in the REwriting. You have to massage the words to mature them. Every draft is a step forward in inches, so don't expect that you'll get it all perfect the first pass through.
Frankly, I think you have the making of a very interesting story because your characters are engaging. At this point I think you need more editing around your narrative to help you see alternative routes to conveying action, emotion, response and timing. But this is a great start.
Keep going!
Best,
Christine
***
"Is this seat free?" his clipped British accent caught her attention. He motioned to the seat directly across from her.
"I'm sure it's not free. It's not mine, but it could probably be had for the price of fries," Georgia muttered.
This was really not what she had envisioned when she hid in the McDonalds. She hardly felt or looked her best. Bad boy laughed, and sat across from her.
"Your McDonald's chips are my weakness. Married?" he asked her.
It did not seem like the type to care. Georgia looked over to him thinking this was probably the oddest pickup she had ever had. Maybe she had gotten lucky and this one truly did not know who her family was and was actually interested in her. It would be a first.
"Not this week," she told him hesitantly. She still was unsure of his angle.
"American citizen?"
"Why and who wants to know?"
"Listen love I'm in a bit of a pickle. Seems like I gotten me a green card problem and I need to find me an American wife". He picked up her hand and looked deeply into her eyes.
"Sorry, I'm Chinese." So much for someone being interested in her as person.
"Oh I get it that’s your cheeky American sense of humor. Don’t you know who I am?" He seemed incredulous.
"Sorry, I have no idea who you are." She pressed her lips together and shook her head.
"I can offer you money. Lots of money, more money than you could ever use, love."
Wow, that probably would have worked on most. Poor Bad Boy had found the one person in the world that could have laughed at that.
"You just have to sign a pre-nuptial and stay married for 5 years. In that time I will give you two million up front and five hundred thousand for every year we stay married. For an additional five years after that, a further hundred thousand a year." Bad Boy had the naiveté to look smug.
"Very generous," Georgia said. She could wipe her nose with that much money and still not even dent what she was worth. "So who are you?"
"Miles Apocalypse. Of the Apocalypse Traders."
"How unfortunate. That can't be your real name."
"You have really never heard of the Apocalypse Traders?"
"I could Google you if it made you feel any better." Her father had always loved that saying considering he owned a large chunk of Google. "Is Miles at least your real first name?" Oddly she really did want to know.
He smiled. "Kozlowski, Miles Kozlowski." He extended his hand toward her.
"You thought Apocalypse was better last name than Kozlowski?"
She stood, hiding behind a big window sticker of Ronald McDonald she covertly watched the angry lawyers argue in front of her car. Miles came up behind her. He molded his muscled body against her back.
"I'm not sure if you realized this, but I am already standing in this spot." She threw him an icy smile over her shoulder.
***
The female character is very funny, a smart ass, very strong. Good dialogue here for her. You're clearly in her head. Some tweaks here and there would bring her words up a notch.
Mostly the tension between the two should rise. You've got to have chemistry on the first meeting of two romantic characters. And not "he smiled into her beautiful eyes" kind of chemistry. Here you have the makings of verbal jousting. That would arouse our interest in seeing them pair up.
Him, not as much. The accent/brit talk is fine, but the timing and lead up to his proposal seems sudden. You need to get in his shoes a little more, let him seduce us as he ramps up to the offer. Several of his lines are "throwaway" lines. They could be substituted with anything else and still not be unique. And even once his intention is made clear, he comes on way too fast with the information dump (the how and how much paragraph). Let tension build. So we are salivating to know what he's really after.
Also, you need to edit the narrative more. Besides the copyediting issues, I want you to look at lines that "tell" not show. And sometimes you point out what is obvious. This is common not just in early writers, but in early drafts, so don't feel bad about any of it. Writing is all in the REwriting. You have to massage the words to mature them. Every draft is a step forward in inches, so don't expect that you'll get it all perfect the first pass through.
Frankly, I think you have the making of a very interesting story because your characters are engaging. At this point I think you need more editing around your narrative to help you see alternative routes to conveying action, emotion, response and timing. But this is a great start.
Keep going!
Best,
Christine
Get On the Dialogue Train
Editing Dialogue class starts today...still time to sign up (ask for discount or scolarship if money is an issue -- don't let that stop you from learning!) http://www.christinefairchild.com/
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