One lesson I've had to learn the hard way, but I warn students about all the time, is that over-editing is worse than not editing at all.
Tightening is good and healthy, and it usually involves dropping the fluff words and moving toward more powerful verbs and nouns. But when I kept editing for word count, dropping and dropping every word I could find that wasn't critical, I lost both flavor and breath to the work. Lesson learned the hard way!
So, how do you know when you've over-edited. When it sounds mechanical. When the spirit is low or void. When the USC band could tap out a marching tune to your sentence rhythm. Sometimes it's better to lose a sentence, or even a paragraph, than to over-tighten every sentence on the page.
Another pressure you might befall to is over-edit for pacing. Now, I love a quick story that gets my heart jumping. But you cannot maintain that break-neck speed every paragraph of every page. You have to let the reader breath, so again let your phrasings have some down time, slowing the pacing so there's a few extra heartbeats between words.
Reading your work out loud doesn't always produce the best edits, but it will help you identify when your work is too tight, too strained, too fast, or just too brittle.
And, if you made the same mistake I did and over-edited your work, the cure is to go back to a blank page and write the work from memory. Maybe that sounds too hard, but even just a few pages from memory here and there, or even a few sentences, and you'll find that natural voice again.
Good luck and good writing, Angels!
Your Editor Devil
Rattle the Reader's Cage Early
First impressions count in this world, however unfair we may feel about it. Just ask agents and editors, who look at those first lines and decide if they will keep reading or not.
Most folks think the beginning of a story starts with the first page of Chapter One, because that’s where the book starts. The real answer is: not always.
Find Your True Starting Line
Often the beginning of the story and the beginning of the book are two different locations.Trust me, agents and editors know the difference. (This is a good reason to have beta readers and critique groups.) It’s a complaint I’ve been hearing for years from agents and editors: “the book starts in the wrong place.” They may even put down a manuscript after the first page. They are not interested in waiting till page three or five or 10 for the story (read "energy" or "momentum" or "tension") to get going. Rattle the reader’s cage early!
Many studies have been performed on readers at bookstores who pick up a book and review the first few pages, then either put it back down, or carry it to the checkout line. So don’t underestimate the power of your beginning when it comes to selling your work— it’s your first impression!
Cut Out the Fluff
Many newbie writers start a story too late or too early. Professional authors start their stories with key elements in mind:
- Which key scene sets the ball rolling toward climatic action by Act 2,
- What angle/style is the most effective way to engage the reader, and
- Who starts the story and why.
In other words, good storytellers start with something impending or life altering and, typically, the character most affected by it.
So how can you identify when your story really starts? That’s complicated. Let’s use an example...
Jump into Live Action
True crime and thriller author, Anthony Flacco, gave an example at a conference about a writer he’d advised. The man was starting his book with a trial scene with the lawyer making his opening arguments about a murder. Basically, the main character was summarizing the heart of the story. A story he was not present to experience. In other words, he's telling, not showing.
Flacco had advised the author to start with the scene where the crime was actually happening. “Get us involved in the gritty action,” he told the man.
Flacco’s reasoning was that by the time the trial occurs, all the critical events and heat of the story have passed. The fire literally has been burned out. It’s harder for the reader to start with a stale scene of testimony—the speaking about what happened in the past (i.e. passive events), than to be thrown into gripping action scenes.
By doing the later, the reader can care about the victim, hope that the villain gets caught, and desire justice to be done. All because the reader went through the trauma themselves, so they salivate for a juicy trial scene that nails the bad guy. That's a great start.
So go forth and rattle the cage, my fellow authors!
Your Editor Devil.
RE-POST: Hook vs. Heart in Story Openers
SINCE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HOOKS LATELY... LET'S REVISIT HEART...
Many students in my recent Create Characters That Last! class asked me about introducing a main character in the first scene of the book and what was required to make the intro powerful.Well, besides the necessary scene details--setting/location, time (at least night or day, future/past or present) and POV--we should get a physical and emotional glimpse of the main character. A few details will suffice.
Sketch details set in context work great, such as "she wore a short-brimmed hat over her straw hair and wide-toe flats beneath her pantsuit, so she looked more like a grumpy clown than the corporate attorney come to rattle our CEO's cage." That gives us enough physical elements to latch onto the woman while giving purpose and characterization to her presence.
But most of all we need a hook and a heart to the story. Just one or two lines to tell us her unique dilemma (hook) and why we should care (heart). Maybe even tell us what she’s after (goal). Most classes and books teach you to include the hook on page one, but they never mention including a heart. Or what I call the heart they call the character goal (either internal or external).
But I say the heart advises these goals and lays the foundation for the reader’s emotional attachment. In fact, the heart is the only reason to care whether the character achieves any of their goals. Heart gives humanity to the book. And humanity, not the cleverness of a hook, endears the reader to the story. It gives readers emotional entrance not just mental entanglement.
Again, a hook is some unique character situation or problem that intrigues us, while a heart is something about that character’s plight or their situation that warms us and make us empathize with them. Because the modern reader won't wait till page 20 to get emotionally hooked into your story, you need to deliver hook and heart early. Agents and editors know this, and they want that meat on page one.
One of my students wrote a story with a woman arriving in a remote airport who finds she has no rental car. She's stuck. That's the crux of the first scene. I advised the author to layer in a hook and a heart and see how that transforms the character and her plight enough to propel a whole story. Otherwise, the scene's just a cranky woman stuck in an airport. Not a story builder.
Now, a woman having the best day of her life who finds out she's stuck at a remote airport in a third-world country with an orphan she just adopted, a child who needs a heart medication refilled ASAP... that’s a hook. And let’s say this woman is one of those Doctor Without Borders nurse volunteers who helps kids get surgeries. And let’s say that she’s been waiting to adopt since she discovered ten years ago that she can't have children, which broke up her first marriage. That's a woman we care about, a woman who deserves a little happiness of her own and we want to cheer her toward that goal. That’s a heart. Get it?
On Hooks & Crooks
The Whidbey Island Writers Conference is small and intimate. Just the place to get all your questions answered and pitch agents/editors without pressure. Or just socialize and take classes, which is what I did. So nice to be the student once in a while, and I got the lovely opportunity to work with Mary Buckham, a great teacher, who bent my brain about hooks.
Now, as a journalist we learned to write hooks. Fast. In 5 and 3-minute timed exercises. And the subject matter was completely new to us. Talk about pressure! Then studying screenwriting, I learned to get all those hooks at both the beginning and end of chapters/scenes. For screenplays the 3rd, 5th, 10th, 20th, and 100th pages demand turns and hooks too.
MORE IS MORE
But Mary pressed me to create multiple hooks in one line ON PURPOSE. It's not that I've never created multiple questions for the reader in one line, but doing it on purpose, and knowing how they break down, was really empowering.
Using Donald Maass' theories of the various types of hooks (from "Writing the Breakout Novel"), she helped us combine many into our opening lines. Here's Maass’ list of hooks (but you should buy his book to understand how these play out and to see his examples):
* Action or danger
* Overpowering emotion
* A surprising situation
* An evocative description that pulls a reader into a setting
* Introducing a unique character
* Warning or foreshadowing
* Setting a tone or theme
* Shocking or witty/clever dialogue [internal or external]
* The totally unexpected
* Raising a direct question
[list excerpted from Donald Maass’ "Writing the Breakout Novel"]
GO FOR NUMBERS
So try choosing 3 of these. Or 5, or 7... see how many you can create in one line. For example:
“He buried the money, the jewels, and the girl in the same spot so that when he returned ten years from now, he’d only have to dig one damn hole next time.”
Can we say creepy!!! But this one opening line introduces a unique character, a surprising situation, foreshadowing of ten years from now, a shocking kind of internal dialogue, and the totally unexpected. But more than these, it raises multiple direct questions: what happened to the girl, and why did he dig more than one hole this time (and who’s in it the other one)?
That’s 6 in one line! In an industry with so much competition, less is not more. More wins contracts.
Go forth and do damage, Angels.
Your Editor Devil
Now, as a journalist we learned to write hooks. Fast. In 5 and 3-minute timed exercises. And the subject matter was completely new to us. Talk about pressure! Then studying screenwriting, I learned to get all those hooks at both the beginning and end of chapters/scenes. For screenplays the 3rd, 5th, 10th, 20th, and 100th pages demand turns and hooks too.
MORE IS MORE
But Mary pressed me to create multiple hooks in one line ON PURPOSE. It's not that I've never created multiple questions for the reader in one line, but doing it on purpose, and knowing how they break down, was really empowering.
Using Donald Maass' theories of the various types of hooks (from "Writing the Breakout Novel"), she helped us combine many into our opening lines. Here's Maass’ list of hooks (but you should buy his book to understand how these play out and to see his examples):
* Action or danger
* Overpowering emotion
* A surprising situation
* An evocative description that pulls a reader into a setting
* Introducing a unique character
* Warning or foreshadowing
* Setting a tone or theme
* Shocking or witty/clever dialogue [internal or external]
* The totally unexpected
* Raising a direct question
[list excerpted from Donald Maass’ "Writing the Breakout Novel"]
GO FOR NUMBERS
So try choosing 3 of these. Or 5, or 7... see how many you can create in one line. For example:
“He buried the money, the jewels, and the girl in the same spot so that when he returned ten years from now, he’d only have to dig one damn hole next time.”
Can we say creepy!!! But this one opening line introduces a unique character, a surprising situation, foreshadowing of ten years from now, a shocking kind of internal dialogue, and the totally unexpected. But more than these, it raises multiple direct questions: what happened to the girl, and why did he dig more than one hole this time (and who’s in it the other one)?
That’s 6 in one line! In an industry with so much competition, less is not more. More wins contracts.
Go forth and do damage, Angels.
Your Editor Devil
Using Scenes to "Show, Not Tell"
One of the benefits of screenplay writing is that it forces the author to focus on Dialogue and Action, the two critical aspects of the "show, don't tell" theory. This winning formula in screenwriting is also good for writing book scenes.
NO Prattling Allowed
In screenwriting, Dialogue IS Action. In other words, what people say in a scene should move the story forward. Such as conveying information that leads to the villains capture, sharing secrets that lead to fights or kisses, giving directions and orders to troops, even expressing emotion or humor with another character to build a relationship. Useless prattling takes up film and crew time, which is expensive, so it’s cut. Spoken words should move people, move objects, move the reader to understanding what's going on in the story.
Now, Action is more obviously, well, active. But many authors forget to ebb and flow Action appropriately. Worse, they fill the page with completely boring, stilted, or meaningless activities. You must choose which action appropriately shows the story unfolding while being conscious of pacing and intensity to give the reader variety.
Make Action Count
In screenwriting, the only action left on the page is Action that is CRITICAL to the story. Movies typically don’t allow actors to just stand around in a scene--a good script accounts for every moment with just enough action to keep tension going. Like a guy fighting with his wife while trying to make eggs for the 3 kids. Who want the eggs 3 different ways. That's Action that layers tension. It shows struggle, frustration, building odds against him. Again, the action shows, not tells. So the actor doesn’t have to tell “I’m frustrated and feeling overwhelmed” in dialogue (internal or external).
Apply Setting & Description Judiciously
Now, Setting and Description in a scene are important, but they typically are not active. They impress, not move. So, they have their place in creating mood, metaphor, impact of scale (mountains vs. marbles), etc. They offer a place for Action and Dialogue to occur and objects that may contribute to the Action. In other words, if they don’t help the action and dialogue show the story, then they have no place in the scene. Always weigh them against the story according to their appropriate role and importance.
Granted, some movies use Setting as a Character, giving it waaaaaaay more time and intensity on the screen. That's a whole other art form. If you are writing this way, such as in gothic stories or alien worlds, good for you. But you have to make the Setting active. It has to move, have a pulse, cause trouble, cure people. Whatever. It has to act like a Character to be as important a Character.
Let World-Building Intensify Action & Tension
Stories wherein world-building is critical can use Setting and Description to intensify Action. Again, showing, not telling is key here, so using long passages of detailed Settings and Descriptions will plummet pacing. Be sure to incorporate these details within the Action and Dialogue and you will keep your story moving forward.
Good luck, Angels.
Your Editor Devil
NO Prattling Allowed
In screenwriting, Dialogue IS Action. In other words, what people say in a scene should move the story forward. Such as conveying information that leads to the villains capture, sharing secrets that lead to fights or kisses, giving directions and orders to troops, even expressing emotion or humor with another character to build a relationship. Useless prattling takes up film and crew time, which is expensive, so it’s cut. Spoken words should move people, move objects, move the reader to understanding what's going on in the story.
Now, Action is more obviously, well, active. But many authors forget to ebb and flow Action appropriately. Worse, they fill the page with completely boring, stilted, or meaningless activities. You must choose which action appropriately shows the story unfolding while being conscious of pacing and intensity to give the reader variety.
Make Action Count
In screenwriting, the only action left on the page is Action that is CRITICAL to the story. Movies typically don’t allow actors to just stand around in a scene--a good script accounts for every moment with just enough action to keep tension going. Like a guy fighting with his wife while trying to make eggs for the 3 kids. Who want the eggs 3 different ways. That's Action that layers tension. It shows struggle, frustration, building odds against him. Again, the action shows, not tells. So the actor doesn’t have to tell “I’m frustrated and feeling overwhelmed” in dialogue (internal or external).
Apply Setting & Description Judiciously
Now, Setting and Description in a scene are important, but they typically are not active. They impress, not move. So, they have their place in creating mood, metaphor, impact of scale (mountains vs. marbles), etc. They offer a place for Action and Dialogue to occur and objects that may contribute to the Action. In other words, if they don’t help the action and dialogue show the story, then they have no place in the scene. Always weigh them against the story according to their appropriate role and importance.
Granted, some movies use Setting as a Character, giving it waaaaaaay more time and intensity on the screen. That's a whole other art form. If you are writing this way, such as in gothic stories or alien worlds, good for you. But you have to make the Setting active. It has to move, have a pulse, cause trouble, cure people. Whatever. It has to act like a Character to be as important a Character.
Let World-Building Intensify Action & Tension
Stories wherein world-building is critical can use Setting and Description to intensify Action. Again, showing, not telling is key here, so using long passages of detailed Settings and Descriptions will plummet pacing. Be sure to incorporate these details within the Action and Dialogue and you will keep your story moving forward.
Good luck, Angels.
Your Editor Devil
Sensational Scenes Class Via Savvy Authors
I'm teaching my Sensational Scenes class through Savvy Authors this month. Come on down and join us!
Strong scenes structure is the favored model in the current publishing industry. This will be a fun and rewarding class. And tough. We’ll examine the micro and macro issues that make up great scenes, and we'll discuss books as well as movies for inspiration. You'll learn from an editor's perspective how to restructure scenes to make them more dynamic for the reader. Learn how to edit your scenes for tighter language, engaging action, compelling dialogue, and character development your readers will love. You’ll get an editor's perspective on issues of language, structure, and content.
• Build efficient scene structure: we’ll discuss the “enter late/leave early” model, scene & sequel techniques, plot arcs and important plot points.
• Create conflict and tension: we’ll talk about how to build the right conflict, the right tension through both main and supporting characters or through events.
• Ensure proper goal & motivation: we’ll cover the WHAT and WHY of character behavior to ensure believable action and thus engaging plots.
• Drive scenes with compelling dialogue: we’ll discuss dialogue arcs and how to load the scene using loaded language.
• Layer effective description and narrative: we’ll discuss sketch techniques to create interesting characters, settings and devices.
WHEN: Mar 10, 2011 - Apr 6, 2011
COST: $20 for Premium Members, $30 for Basic Members
http://www.savvyauthors.com/vb/showevent.php?eventid=832
Strong scenes structure is the favored model in the current publishing industry. This will be a fun and rewarding class. And tough. We’ll examine the micro and macro issues that make up great scenes, and we'll discuss books as well as movies for inspiration. You'll learn from an editor's perspective how to restructure scenes to make them more dynamic for the reader. Learn how to edit your scenes for tighter language, engaging action, compelling dialogue, and character development your readers will love. You’ll get an editor's perspective on issues of language, structure, and content.
• Build efficient scene structure: we’ll discuss the “enter late/leave early” model, scene & sequel techniques, plot arcs and important plot points.
• Create conflict and tension: we’ll talk about how to build the right conflict, the right tension through both main and supporting characters or through events.
• Ensure proper goal & motivation: we’ll cover the WHAT and WHY of character behavior to ensure believable action and thus engaging plots.
• Drive scenes with compelling dialogue: we’ll discuss dialogue arcs and how to load the scene using loaded language.
• Layer effective description and narrative: we’ll discuss sketch techniques to create interesting characters, settings and devices.
WHEN: Mar 10, 2011 - Apr 6, 2011
COST: $20 for Premium Members, $30 for Basic Members
http://www.savvyauthors.com/vb/showevent.php?eventid=832
Show Me The Heart...
Since we talked about hook vs. heart in my last blog post, I'd like to see some of those rewritten openers that everyone mentioned.
Post your first 3 paragraphs and let's see if you've got the heart in the story. Remember, you got to get it in there at the beginning!
Bring it on!!!
Your Editor Devil
Post your first 3 paragraphs and let's see if you've got the heart in the story. Remember, you got to get it in there at the beginning!
Bring it on!!!
Your Editor Devil
Hook vs. Heart in Story Openers
Many students in my recent Create Characters That Last! class asked me about introducing a main character in the first scene of the book and what was required to make the intro powerful.
Well, besides the necessary scene details--setting/location, time (at least night or day, future/past or present) and POV--we should get a physical and emotional glimpse of the main character. A few details will suffice.
Sketch details set in context work great, such as "she wore a short-brimmed hat over her straw hair and wide-toe flats beneath her pantsuit, so she looked more like a grumpy clown than the corporate attorney come to rattle our CEO's cage." That gives us enough physical elements to latch onto the woman while giving purpose and characterization to her presence.
But most of all we need a hook and a heart to the story. Just one or two lines to tell us her unique dilemma (hook) and why we should care (heart). Maybe even tell us what she’s after (goal). Most classes and books teach you to include the hook on page one, but they never mention including a heart. Or what I call the heart they call the character goal (either internal or external).
But I say the heart advises these goals and lays the foundation for the reader’s emotional attachment. In fact, the heart is the only reason to care whether the character achieves any of their goals. Heart gives humanity to the book. And humanity, not the cleverness of a hook, endears the reader to the story. It gives readers emotional entrance not just mental entanglement.
Again, a hook is some unique character situation or problem that intrigues us, while a heart is something about that character’s plight or their situation that warms us and make us empathize with them. Because the modern reader won't wait till page 20 to get emotionally hooked into your story, you need to deliver hook and heart early. Agents and editors know this, and they want that meat on page one.
One of my students wrote a story with a woman arriving in a remote airport who finds she has no rental car. She's stuck. That's the crux of the first scene. I advised the author to layer in a hook and a heart and see how that transforms the character and her plight enough to propel a whole story. Otherwise, the scene's just a cranky woman stuck in an airport. Not a story builder.
Now, a woman having the best day of her life who finds out she's stuck at a remote airport in a third-world country with an orphan she just adopted, a child who needs a heart medication refilled ASAP... that’s a hook. And let’s say this woman is one of those Doctor Without Borders nurse volunteers who helps kids get surgeries. And let’s say that she’s been waiting to adopt since she discovered ten years ago that she can't have children, which broke up her first marriage. That's a woman we care about, a woman who deserves a little happiness of her own and we want to cheer her toward that goal. That’s a heart. Get it?
Well, besides the necessary scene details--setting/location, time (at least night or day, future/past or present) and POV--we should get a physical and emotional glimpse of the main character. A few details will suffice.
Sketch details set in context work great, such as "she wore a short-brimmed hat over her straw hair and wide-toe flats beneath her pantsuit, so she looked more like a grumpy clown than the corporate attorney come to rattle our CEO's cage." That gives us enough physical elements to latch onto the woman while giving purpose and characterization to her presence.
But most of all we need a hook and a heart to the story. Just one or two lines to tell us her unique dilemma (hook) and why we should care (heart). Maybe even tell us what she’s after (goal). Most classes and books teach you to include the hook on page one, but they never mention including a heart. Or what I call the heart they call the character goal (either internal or external).
But I say the heart advises these goals and lays the foundation for the reader’s emotional attachment. In fact, the heart is the only reason to care whether the character achieves any of their goals. Heart gives humanity to the book. And humanity, not the cleverness of a hook, endears the reader to the story. It gives readers emotional entrance not just mental entanglement.
Again, a hook is some unique character situation or problem that intrigues us, while a heart is something about that character’s plight or their situation that warms us and make us empathize with them. Because the modern reader won't wait till page 20 to get emotionally hooked into your story, you need to deliver hook and heart early. Agents and editors know this, and they want that meat on page one.
One of my students wrote a story with a woman arriving in a remote airport who finds she has no rental car. She's stuck. That's the crux of the first scene. I advised the author to layer in a hook and a heart and see how that transforms the character and her plight enough to propel a whole story. Otherwise, the scene's just a cranky woman stuck in an airport. Not a story builder.
Now, a woman having the best day of her life who finds out she's stuck at a remote airport in a third-world country with an orphan she just adopted, a child who needs a heart medication refilled ASAP... that’s a hook. And let’s say this woman is one of those Doctor Without Borders nurse volunteers who helps kids get surgeries. And let’s say that she’s been waiting to adopt since she discovered ten years ago that she can't have children, which broke up her first marriage. That's a woman we care about, a woman who deserves a little happiness of her own and we want to cheer her toward that goal. That’s a heart. Get it?
Elmore Leonard Was Wrong About Character Description...And Right
The great and prolific author Elmore Leonard created a list he dubbed "10 Rules of Writing."
This list is now in book form (it originally ran as a New York Times article called “Easy on the Adverbs, Exclamation Points and Especially Hooptedoodle”), with humorous art work, and makes a lovely gift for the writer or editor in your life.
If you don't know Leonard's name, think of the movies "Out of Sight" and "Get Shorty" and "Jackie Brown" and "3:10 to Yuma" -- all of which were novels he wrote. The man is a machine of suspense and 3-D characters.
Yet one of his 10 rules continues to bother me:
"8. Avoid detailed descriptions of characters. Which Steinbeck covered. In Ernest Hemingway’s 'Hills Like White Elephants' what do the 'American and the girl with him' look like? 'She had taken off her hat and put it on the table.' That’s the only reference to a physical description in the story, and yet we see the couple and know them by their tones of voice, with not one adverb in sight."
I humbly disagree. Writing in the modern age of TV and film storytelling, authors are behooved to compete by giving "visually oriented" descriptions if not other sensory ones.
Now, I agree character descriptions should be quick. Personally, I love sketch techniques. Readers can't remember more than 3 details anyway, so the verbose descriptions of yesteryear are at best ineffectual and at worst mind-numbing. Henry James and Tolstoy, I'm sorry.
But too vague a description and the character is nearly invisible. Give readers something to latch on to that isn't purely emotional or judgmental. Something physical and real. Pull descriptions from the senses, and readers will recreate your character at their supper table.
Sounds and smells and feels/textures are good. Tastes? Well, that all depends on the character and the genre! But sure, experiment.
And don't forget the eyes. The visual medium is an important part of the reader's experience. Lord knows I've mistaken a non-described character in a manuscript for a grandfather type, when it turned out to be a young brash hero. Woops! That's a mistake you don't want readers making.
Good luck, Writing Angels!
Your Editor Devil
This list is now in book form (it originally ran as a New York Times article called “Easy on the Adverbs, Exclamation Points and Especially Hooptedoodle”), with humorous art work, and makes a lovely gift for the writer or editor in your life.
If you don't know Leonard's name, think of the movies "Out of Sight" and "Get Shorty" and "Jackie Brown" and "3:10 to Yuma" -- all of which were novels he wrote. The man is a machine of suspense and 3-D characters.
Yet one of his 10 rules continues to bother me:
"8. Avoid detailed descriptions of characters. Which Steinbeck covered. In Ernest Hemingway’s 'Hills Like White Elephants' what do the 'American and the girl with him' look like? 'She had taken off her hat and put it on the table.' That’s the only reference to a physical description in the story, and yet we see the couple and know them by their tones of voice, with not one adverb in sight."
I humbly disagree. Writing in the modern age of TV and film storytelling, authors are behooved to compete by giving "visually oriented" descriptions if not other sensory ones.
Now, I agree character descriptions should be quick. Personally, I love sketch techniques. Readers can't remember more than 3 details anyway, so the verbose descriptions of yesteryear are at best ineffectual and at worst mind-numbing. Henry James and Tolstoy, I'm sorry.
But too vague a description and the character is nearly invisible. Give readers something to latch on to that isn't purely emotional or judgmental. Something physical and real. Pull descriptions from the senses, and readers will recreate your character at their supper table.
Sounds and smells and feels/textures are good. Tastes? Well, that all depends on the character and the genre! But sure, experiment.
And don't forget the eyes. The visual medium is an important part of the reader's experience. Lord knows I've mistaken a non-described character in a manuscript for a grandfather type, when it turned out to be a young brash hero. Woops! That's a mistake you don't want readers making.
Good luck, Writing Angels!
Your Editor Devil
Don’t Tell Me You Care, Show Me
(more character development do's and don'ts from my upcoming class)
Don’t… explain a character’s response to a situation—or to another character—when action would prove their response.
Especially don’t use internal dialogue to do the ALL work for you. This is cheating the reader from experiencing the hero/heroine’s reactions and coming to their own conclusion about what the hero/heroine is feeling or thinking. Internal dialogue should only tell the reader what they can’t see or know for themselves, such as secrets, memories or unexpected reactions.
Do… use body language and external dialogue to show how a character feels or thinks.
Actions speak louder than words. Character postures and actions more potently reveal if they are nervous, hurt, excited or dangerous. Since words can be false, most humans instinctively register actions in their subconscious to weigh truth.
When you pit actions against the reader's expectations, you can create especially tense situations.
For example, a woman with her husband at a party may meet a handsome, sexy, powerful man. She may speak casually to him, as if he's no more important than the bartender. But if she’s attracted to the newcomer, she’ll likely open her chest or her body, bare her neck by pushing away her hair, dilate her pupils, touch her neck or rub her ankles together. She may even laugh at his bad jokes.
Her husband may start to insult the man as a power-play to hide his insecurity. But in the end, her navel will point at the man she wants to go home with. Same for the fellows; whichever man takes the posture of the gorilla—chest out, chin raised, back straightened to the point of being arched, jaw set—is likely claiming territory.
Don’t… explain a character’s response to a situation—or to another character—when action would prove their response.
Especially don’t use internal dialogue to do the ALL work for you. This is cheating the reader from experiencing the hero/heroine’s reactions and coming to their own conclusion about what the hero/heroine is feeling or thinking. Internal dialogue should only tell the reader what they can’t see or know for themselves, such as secrets, memories or unexpected reactions.
Do… use body language and external dialogue to show how a character feels or thinks.
Actions speak louder than words. Character postures and actions more potently reveal if they are nervous, hurt, excited or dangerous. Since words can be false, most humans instinctively register actions in their subconscious to weigh truth.
When you pit actions against the reader's expectations, you can create especially tense situations.
For example, a woman with her husband at a party may meet a handsome, sexy, powerful man. She may speak casually to him, as if he's no more important than the bartender. But if she’s attracted to the newcomer, she’ll likely open her chest or her body, bare her neck by pushing away her hair, dilate her pupils, touch her neck or rub her ankles together. She may even laugh at his bad jokes.
Her husband may start to insult the man as a power-play to hide his insecurity. But in the end, her navel will point at the man she wants to go home with. Same for the fellows; whichever man takes the posture of the gorilla—chest out, chin raised, back straightened to the point of being arched, jaw set—is likely claiming territory.
Don’t Get Unreal When Reality Works Better
More character development Do's & Don'ts...
Don’t… make your hero/heroine so perfect, they are inhuman.
When you don’t include fatal flaws (physical, emotional, and mental), then your hero/heroine will feel rigid, one-dimensional. Readers can only bond with three-dimensional characters.
Flaws make the hero/heroine not only have more obstacles, but they make hero/heroines three-dimensional. And more human.
Do… give your hero/heroine flaws that match or counter-act their strengths.
Then play these off one another. Imagine a hero/heroine is a fast runner —a track star from their college years. But he/she is afraid of heights. So as that murderous ex pursues the hero/heroine over the rooftops of an old Moroccan village, these two character aspects will entangle, forcing the hero/heroine to make a choice: change or die.
That’s not just an interesting character but a compelling human situation. That’s conflict.
Go forth and conquer, Angels.
Your ever-faithful Editor Devil
Don’t… make your hero/heroine so perfect, they are inhuman.
When you don’t include fatal flaws (physical, emotional, and mental), then your hero/heroine will feel rigid, one-dimensional. Readers can only bond with three-dimensional characters.
Flaws make the hero/heroine not only have more obstacles, but they make hero/heroines three-dimensional. And more human.
Do… give your hero/heroine flaws that match or counter-act their strengths.
Then play these off one another. Imagine a hero/heroine is a fast runner —a track star from their college years. But he/she is afraid of heights. So as that murderous ex pursues the hero/heroine over the rooftops of an old Moroccan village, these two character aspects will entangle, forcing the hero/heroine to make a choice: change or die.
That’s not just an interesting character but a compelling human situation. That’s conflict.
Go forth and conquer, Angels.
Your ever-faithful Editor Devil
Don’t Describe Cardboard When Lace Works
Don’t… use vague, cliche physical descriptions to describe your hero or heroine.
Brown hair, tall, strong build. That’s been done. Over and over. These words don’t convey the hero/heroine’s energy or uniqueness. Remember, vague means boring. Don’t be afraid to counter the typical description by showing scars, ugly aspects, or what they don’t have.
Do… use unique words and phrasings to convey your hero/heroine’s image as well as their presence.
Instead of “fair hair with deep blue eyes” for your sexy hero, you might try “he had sandy brows that crested over a Caribbean blue gaze.” Remember, women typically look at eyes first, while men look at a woman’s body first. Yet women judge sexiness by a man’s voice, while men judge a woman’s sexiness by her hair.
What you distinguish can really make a character interesting, even when you make a hero/heroine a tad ugly. I love the description of “he would have been handsome if he didn’t have a ...” mole, scar, crooked nose, big ears, sloppy lips. Hollywood’s leading sex symbols have had all of these (can you guess which belongs to whom?)
More power to you, Angels!
Your Editor Devil
Brown hair, tall, strong build. That’s been done. Over and over. These words don’t convey the hero/heroine’s energy or uniqueness. Remember, vague means boring. Don’t be afraid to counter the typical description by showing scars, ugly aspects, or what they don’t have.
Do… use unique words and phrasings to convey your hero/heroine’s image as well as their presence.
Instead of “fair hair with deep blue eyes” for your sexy hero, you might try “he had sandy brows that crested over a Caribbean blue gaze.” Remember, women typically look at eyes first, while men look at a woman’s body first. Yet women judge sexiness by a man’s voice, while men judge a woman’s sexiness by her hair.
What you distinguish can really make a character interesting, even when you make a hero/heroine a tad ugly. I love the description of “he would have been handsome if he didn’t have a ...” mole, scar, crooked nose, big ears, sloppy lips. Hollywood’s leading sex symbols have had all of these (can you guess which belongs to whom?)
More power to you, Angels!
Your Editor Devil
Character Development Do's & Don'ts
Don’t… open your story with a hero/heroine that pities him/herself.
Readers have to believe in your hero/heroine’s ability to forge ahead, to conquer good over evil, to find their one true love, to win the race, etc. If we don’t believe in them on page one, then there’s no need to turn to page two.
Do… allow your hero/heroine to show a deep sadness or need that must be fulfilled as a baseline for their character arc.
At the same time, reveal their strengths and talents, which tell readers the hero/heroine has the ability to change, to fight back, to grow stronger. To become the hero/heroine they are meant to be.
Good luck, Angels!
Your Editor Devil
Readers have to believe in your hero/heroine’s ability to forge ahead, to conquer good over evil, to find their one true love, to win the race, etc. If we don’t believe in them on page one, then there’s no need to turn to page two.
Do… allow your hero/heroine to show a deep sadness or need that must be fulfilled as a baseline for their character arc.
At the same time, reveal their strengths and talents, which tell readers the hero/heroine has the ability to change, to fight back, to grow stronger. To become the hero/heroine they are meant to be.
Good luck, Angels!
Your Editor Devil
Free Class Tonight!
I'm teaching at the Kirkland, WA, libary tonight (7-9pm) the short version of my class "11 Edits You Must Make to Look Like a Pro." Come on down if you're in town and ask me questions in person!
http://www.kcls.org/events/nanowrimo.cfm
Best,
Christine
http://www.kcls.org/events/nanowrimo.cfm
Best,
Christine
Let Dialogue Replace Narrative
Sometimes dialogue replaces the function of narrative in conveying action. This is less often used by authors, but in my opinion, is the playground of mature authors. The best way to explain this is through example. Here’s the “before”:
Cathy, bubbling for her share of fresh-cooked brownies, set her china plate atop the stove.
“Hey, don’t set that there,” said her grandmother. “That’s my wedding gift. And I’ll beat you raw if it shatters.”
If we let the dialogue tell us what’s happening, and keep it sounding natural and ‘in character’, the information is more engaging. This also leaves space to add more interesting narrative afterward. Here’s the “after” version:
Cathy pushed ahead of her brother for her share of fresh-cooked brownies.
“Hey, don’t set that on a hot stove,” said her grandmother. “That’s my good china. My wedding china. And I’ll beat you raw if it shatters.”
We learn from the charming grandmother that the girl is setting something inappropriate on the stove, and not just china, but grandma’s wedding china. The reveal is more impactful when the character is doing the telling because the layers of sentences better build toward her threat to beat the child. Getting yelled at (even as a reader) by the grandmother is more tension building than reading the same information through neutral narrative.
Of course, you should not use this technique constantly, or it will become cliché within your own work.
Good luck, Angels!!
Your Editor Devil
Cathy, bubbling for her share of fresh-cooked brownies, set her china plate atop the stove.
“Hey, don’t set that there,” said her grandmother. “That’s my wedding gift. And I’ll beat you raw if it shatters.”
If we let the dialogue tell us what’s happening, and keep it sounding natural and ‘in character’, the information is more engaging. This also leaves space to add more interesting narrative afterward. Here’s the “after” version:
Cathy pushed ahead of her brother for her share of fresh-cooked brownies.
“Hey, don’t set that on a hot stove,” said her grandmother. “That’s my good china. My wedding china. And I’ll beat you raw if it shatters.”
We learn from the charming grandmother that the girl is setting something inappropriate on the stove, and not just china, but grandma’s wedding china. The reveal is more impactful when the character is doing the telling because the layers of sentences better build toward her threat to beat the child. Getting yelled at (even as a reader) by the grandmother is more tension building than reading the same information through neutral narrative.
Of course, you should not use this technique constantly, or it will become cliché within your own work.
Good luck, Angels!!
Your Editor Devil
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